The TellTale Caveman
by Jeune Ecrivain
Summary: Phil and Keely are now high school sophomores, and Curtis has acquired enough English to recount what Keely tried to tell Phil during the Curtis-Phil body switch episode. What happens when Curtis tells Phil about the 'j' word? Please R
1. Part 1

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is based on characters and situations owned by the Walt Disney Company. No copyright infringement is intended, and no profit is being made from this. The followingis purely for entertainment.

**The Tell-Tale Caveman**

**By Jeune Ecrivain**

**Rating: PG (just to be safe)**

**Summary: Phil and Keely are now high school sophomores, and Curtis has by this time acquired enough English to recount what Keely tried to tell Phil at the party during the Curtis-Phil body switch episode. What happens when Curtis tells Phil about "the 'j' word"?**

**Part I**

"What this?"

Phil Diffy turned to find who could best be described as his pet caveman gripping his Wizard curiously. He rushed over and plucked it from the Cro-Magnon's hand. "This is a Wizard, Curtis!" he said. "Don't touch it. It's dangerous."

"Curtis know," said Curtis, speaking in the stilted, pidgin English he had managed to acquire by the time Phil was in his sophomore year of high school. "Curtis find in grass, and then Curtis at party. Many people."

Phil knew all to well what Curtis was referring to. How could he forget how his date with Alice had quickly gone south when he and Curtis had accidentally switched bodies two or three times throughout the fancy ball that he had escorted her to. He remembered having to explain himself twice to Alice and once to his best friend Keely Teslow after the whole affair was over. It was naturally easier to explain it to Keely, because he could tell her the truth, which involved 22nd-century-devices that he had to keep a secret from everyone else. Keely was relieved when he told her, because it explained why he had, among other things, sported a flag pole like a spear and threatened a stuffed grizzly bear.

Ultimately, the incident didn't do any real harm. His relationship with Alice was doomed from the start with or without the brain switch because of the fact that he had lied to her to impress her. Still, Phil was in no hurry to have a similar experience again.

"Yes, Curtis. You remember it too, huh? That's why you shouldn't mess with this."

"Curtis want bread, but man not give it," Curtis recounted, referring to the moment when the brain switch had occurred a second time just as Phil was passing the bread to the mayor.

Phil pocketed the Wizard. "Yeah, I know, Curtis," he said with a role of his eyes.

"Curtis see Keely too," Curtis added.

"Yeah, I know. Keely told me," Phil answered, starting to get bored.

Curtis then looked at Phil curiously. "What word 'jealous' mean?"

"Jealous. It's when…uh…someone else has something that you want," Phil answered, wondering where Curtis had heard the word.

"Keely say 'jealous,'" Curtis reported.

"Why would Keely be jealous?"

"When Curtis at party, Keely say she jealous. She say having Phil here with other girl awkward for her. She little jealous."

Phil blinked, not believing at first that he had translated Curtis' broken speech into proper English correctly. He tried a number of possible interpretations, but they either said the same thing as what he first thought or didn't make sense. "Wait a minute. Keely said having me there with Alice was awkward for her? It made her…jealous?"

"Yeah. Keely jealous. Keely want something other girl have."

But that means…Keely wanted me, Phil thought. Dare he believe…that Keely liked him as more than a friend?


	2. Part 2

**The Tell-Tale Caveman**

**By Jeune Ecrivain**

**Rating: PG (just to be safe)**

**Summary: Phil and Keely are now high school sophomores, and Curtis has by this time acquired enough English to recount what Keely tried to tell Phil at the party during the Curtis-Phil body switch episode. What happens when Curtis tells Phil about "the 'j' word"?**

**Part II**

"Two-hundred and ten, two-hundred and twenty…" Pim Diffy sat at the counter in the family kitchen counting an impressive stack of bills. Just as she got to two-hundred and sixty, her mother Barbara entered.

"Pim!" said a rather shocked Barbara. "Where did you get all that money?"

"Horse races," Pim shrugged nonchalantly.

"You've been gambling at the tracks!" Barbara repeated, sensing a good grounding would soon be in order.

"I never knew that the tedious sports of this century could be so profitable!" Pim replied cleverly. "Look at all these Benjamins!" she finally burst gleefully.

"Pim," began Barbara, going into full disciplinarian mode. "Do you know how lucky you are that you even won anything? Gambling is risky, and I won't have you taking that risk with our money."

"Luck had nothing to do with it," Pim contested triumphantly. She drew from her pocket one of the few 22nd-century gadgets that had not yet been used by the Diffys ever since their marooning in the 21st century.

Barbara recognized it immediately. "The 2121 World ElectrAlmanac!"

"That's right," Pim said a familiar gleam of mischief in her eye. "This baby has a rather useful sports section. Gigabytes of data in every sport known to man dating all the way back to before electricity, including the winners of every single horse race in 2004!"

Barbara gave her daughter a look that said 'I am not amused.' "Pim…"

Pim was temporarily saved when her brother walked in. "Mom, can I…uh…talk to you about something?"

"Well, sure, Phil," replied Barbara. She turned briefly back to Pim, who was making a move to flee, and said firmly, "We'll talk about this later. Count on it."

"What was that about?" Phil asked as Pim scampered away like a scheming fox.

"Your sister's been using the sports data in the ElectrAlmanac to win big at the horse races," his mother informed him with a roll of her eyes. "So, what did you need to talk about?"  
Phil opened his mouth, then closed it. He sighed. "This is a little weird coming to you about this, but…do you remember the whole incident where I switched bodies with Curtis twice while I was on a fancy date."

"Yeah. Your father told me all about it."

"Well, Curtis was just telling me that, while he was in my body, Keely talked to him. Well, she was really trying to talk to me, but…you know."

Barbara nodded.

"Anyway, Curtis said Keely used the word 'jealous.' If I'm putting his broken sentences together right – and believe me, I tried several times just to make sure,…Keely said that having me there with Alice was awkward for her and that she was even a little jealous."

_It was only a matter of time_, thought Barbara to herself. "And you're wondering what this means regarding how exactly Keely feels about you?"

Phil nodded. "We've been best friends for over three years now. I don't know what to think. I mean, it happened two years ago, which means even if she did feel anything for me in a romantic sense, there's no guarantee that whatever feelings she had are still there."

"Well," Barbara said, "how do you feel about her?"

"I…I don't know. I mean, she's my best friend. I've never really thought of her seriously in a potential-girlfriend kind of way. I mean, sure she's beautiful, fun to be around, and she somehow manages to pull off the feat of being ditzy and relatively smart at the same time. I actually kind of like her ditziness, and…" Phil stopped to hear himself. "…maybe it's not such a big leap after all."

"I think there are definitely some feelings there that you need to figure out before you even consider talking to her about what Curtis told you," advised Barbara. "Whatever you do, don't corner her with this until you have a firm idea of how to respond if a) she doesn't feel that way about you and you do or b) vice versa."

"Right," Phil said, visibly distracted now by the idea of actually having romantic inclinations towards Keely. "I'll figure something out," he added before turning to go to his room in deep thought.

"You do that," Barbara said as her son departed. She then smiled to herself. Though she had just begun scolding Pim for using severely unfair odds to win at gambling, she reminded herself that she was guilty of a similar action. In her case, it was feminine intuition instead of an almanac from the future that gave her what she perceived to be favorable odds. If things worked out between Phil and Keely the way she had a feeling they would, her husband Lloyd would owe her some money.


	3. Part 3

**The Tell-Tale Caveman**

**By Jeune Ecrivain**

**Rating: PG (just to be safe)**

**Summary: Phil and Keely are now high school sophomores, and Curtis has by this time acquired enough English to recount what Keely tried to tell Phil at the party during the Curtis-Phil body switch episode. What happens when Curtis tells Phil about "the 'j' word"?**

**Part III**

The next day, Phil still hadn't entirely figured out his feelings for Keely. However, seeing and talking with her in school was inevitable, and he didn't to give her any reason to be suspicious and perhaps start an ultimately inevitable talk before he was prepared. So, he did his best to act natural, which was ironically easier than it seemed. Somehow, even though awkward thoughts about her were going through his mind, Keely was still, at the end of the day, someone he felt quite comfortable with. Minor nervousness didn't elude him, but the mere familiarity of its source made it easier to mask.

Of course, the assignment he had just gotten didn't really help make his day any easier. He tried to push it aside as Keely approached him with her cheerful grin.

"Hey, Phil," Keely greeted him, accepting a glass of Coke he had poured her at his locker-bar.

"What's up, Keel?" he responded with a smile.

"The sky!" she said.

Phil rolled his eyes as she giggled.

"Sorry," she said. "I just heard that in class, and it was funnier when Brad said it."

"Very funny," said Phil half-heartedly.

Keely looked at him, slight puzzlement in her eyes. "What's going on?"

"Nothing…it's just…" He actually had two things on his mind, his feelings for her and the assignment he had just been given, but since he wasn't quite ready to address the first issue, he decided to act like his sole problem was the latter. "Ugh! You remember that essay we have to write for English? Mr. Hackett handed out the prompts today."

"Uh-huh. I have his class an hour before you. I have to write about what I think about affirmative action."

"Lucky you."

"I hardly think so," replied Keely wryly. "I don't really have a strong opinion, so it's a boring topic. And I hate boring topics, because I can never write as well about them and then I end up doing Mr. Hacket's job – putting the class to sleep – when it comes time to read my essay."

"Yeah, well, my problem is to the other extreme. I'm afraid I might write too well on this one for my family's safety." He handed a paper to a perplexed Keely.

"What do you think life will be like 100 years from now?" read Keely. No sooner were the words out of her mouth than she failed miserably to stifle a snicker.

"It's not funny!" Phil protested. "Now I have to put in some extra effort just to make sure I don't write too much detail!"

"I'm sorry," Keely said, still not completely managing to refrain from laughing. "It's just so…ironic."

Phil sighed, and his eyes met Keely's. She grinned at him knowingly, and almost against his will, he felt his lips curling into his own grin. Finally, despite himself, Phil snickered, and Keely knew she had gotten to him. The two burst into laughter.

"What is so funny?" Tia interrupted their inside joke as she ambled up to them

"Nothing," said Phil quickly.

"Yeah, it's nothing," Keely said, eyeing Phil.

Tia regarded them skeptically for a moment before turning to Keely with a gleeful look on her face. "Girl, I've got news that'll send you flying to your journal!"

"Well, at least you used 'journal' as a noun and not a verb this time," Phil quipped.

Tia gave him a sarcastic oh-very-funny look before grinning at Keely. "I heard from a very reliable source on the grapevine that Brad Federland has eyes for you!"

Phil knew what was coming. He plugged his ears just in time to soften a dual squeal from the two girls. But as he did so, an uneasy feeling arose in him. Somehow, he wasn't comfortable with the idea of Brad Federland making any moves on Keely. He had nothing personal against Brad, but the thought of him and Keely as a couple just seemed to rub him the wrong way, especially since Keely seemed ready to accept his advances. He consciously delayed the inevitable conclusion involving a certain word beginning with 'j,' but on some level he knew he was just kidding himself. Jealousy had found Phil Diffy.

"This is Brad Federland, Keel! The cutest guy since Tanner!"

"Well," Phil said, feeling more awkward than ever before, "let's just hope this one isn't as much of a player."

"Yeah, I hope so too," Keely admitted. "But I won't know if I don't give him a chance!" she perked up immediately. "Oh," she exclaimed, glancing at her watch. "I gotta go journal before class!" Keely smiled. "See ya later, Phil," she said.

"See ya," Phil answered as she scampered off.

"Isn't this great!" Tia asked.

"Yeah," said Phil. "Good for her," he said, visibly distracted.

"Phil?" Tia asked.  
"Yeah?"

"You okay?

"Me? Yeah, I'm fine." The bell rang, and Phil grabbed his biology textbook from his locker, closed it, and ambled off to class.

Tia grinned slyly as she watched Phil disappear down the hall. "Do I detect a little jealousy, Philip Lloyd Diffy?"


	4. Part 4

**The Tell-Tale Caveman**

**By Jeune Ecrivain**

**Rating: PG (just to be safe)**

**Summary: Phil and Keely are now high school sophomores, and Curtis has by this time acquired enough English to recount what Keely tried to tell Phil at the party during the Curtis-Phil body switch episode. What happens when Curtis tells Phil about "the 'j' word"?**

**Part IV**

Keely Teslow took a seat upon a stool in the now abandoned music hall of H. G. Wells Junior/Senior High School. The play auditions she had planned on attending had been canceled. However, just her luck, word somehow hadn't gotten around to her until after all the buses had left. So, she was stuck for the moment, somehow not wanting to leave the empty music hall. Finally, she had yielded to temptation and grabbed an idle guitar. Whenever she needed to sort out her thoughts or feelings or was just plain bored, singing always seemed to help. Perhaps because she could somewhat relate to its meaning, one song came to mind. She had heard it performed by a band when she was on vacation in California last year. She remembered the Zettabytes not for their sound, though it was quite promising, but more because of the backstage guy who bore a remarkable resemblance to Phil. Though Roscoe could never really be Phil, the constant reminder had kept her from getting too homesick. She strummed the intro smoothly, and sang:

_Here's the story of a girl_

_Living in a lonely world._

_A hidden note, a secret crush,_

_A little boy who talks too much._

_Well, I'm standing in the crowd, _

_And when you smile, I check you out._

_But you don't even know my name._

_You're too busy playing games._

_And I want you to know_

_If you lose your way,_

_I won't let you go._

_If I cut my hair,_

_If I change my clothes,_

_Will you notice me?_

_If I bite my lip,_

_If I say hello,_

_Will you notice me?_

_What's it gonna take for you to see,_

_To get you to notice me?_

Little did Keely know that Phil was standing in the doorway to the music hall, listening to his best friend with admiration. If he wasn't sure he was enamored of her before, he was by the time she finished the song. He caught himself getting lost in the sight of her. The way her wide blue eyes closed in an almost childish look of pleasure and mild concentration, the way her fingers strolled gracefully over the guitar strings, and the way her sweet yet strong voice allowed the lyrics to roll with equal grace off her tongue. It hit him with full force and conviction this time. Without even knowing it, he had managed to fall in love with her over the years.

Phil clapped softly, and Keely jumped at the sound. However, her expression immediately morphed from surprise to a combination blush/warm smile that Phil thought was downright cute, which reminded him…now that he had figured out his feelings for her, there was still the issue of telling her.

"I didn't see you there," Keely said.

"That's no surprise, considering you were sitting there with your eyes closed like a kitten being stroked." _Where did that line come from?_ Phil wondered inwardly.

Keely blushed once more. "Well, I really get into my music," she said sheepishly.

For a moment, Phil considered not bringing up his feelings and her years-old confession of jealousy, but he knew he would only be postponing the inevitable. "Keely, I…don't think I'm really comfortable with you possibly going out with Brad."

Keely raised an eyebrow at him. "Why? Did you find out he's just like Tanner?" she inquired.

"No. I mean…he may be, but I don't know."

"Well, then…what is it?"

Phil opened his mouth to begin, then thought better of it and tried to rethink his words. He finally grunted slightly and simply started at the most logical place he could think of. "Remember the whole Curtis body-switch thing two years ago when I was on a date with Alice?"

"Yeah," Keely said, wondering where this was leading.

"Well, Curtis has just now learned enough English to tell me some of the things you said to him…or rather, were trying to say to me, but…you know."

Keely nodded, encouraging him with her eyes. "What did he tell you?"  
"He told me what you said…about me dating Alice being awkward for you."

Keely averted her eyes briefly before giving him a small, nervous smile. "Oh," was all she could say.

"I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and…well…" He stepped up closer to her, prompting her to look up at him. "…It's my turn to use the 'j' word," he said.

"You're jealous?"

Phil went out on a limb and nodded. "Hearing you and Tia gush over Brad helped me to realize that."

"Phil…" Keely began.

"Now I realize it was a long time ago, and you may not feel that way anymore…" Phil continued ignorantly.

"Phil…" Keely recommenced, a small smile tugging at her lips.

Phil remained ignorant. "Heck, after all that stuff about Brad, I'd be surprised if you did."

"Phil…"

"But, I guess I just had to give it a shot. So, I admit it. Having you go out with another guy would make me jealous. Now…"

"Phil!" said Keely with an amused smile on her face, bringing her index finger to his lips. She then hesitated before removing it.

"Sorry," Phil said. "I guess I just…had to get that off my chest…before I lost my nerve."

"First of all, you should never have to worry about losing your nerve around me. Second of all, all that stuff about Brad is just me settling for something other than what I really want. Third, that stuff I said about being jealous…" She blushed for the fourth time. "…is still true."

Phil sighed and chuckled, relieved yet slightly nervous at the same time. "So,…uh…what now?" He already had some idea, but he wasn't taking his chances. He was going to take his cues from the beauty standing before him.

Keely pursed her lips and smiled at him gently, though her lips showed traces of her own slight nervousness. Both hesitated for an instant before Phil, on an albeit cautious whim, leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips. Keely instinctively met him halfway, closed her eyes in much the same way she had when she was singing, and returned his kiss.

Keely's hands almost automatically found Phil's chest before working their way up to encircle his neck. Simultaneously, Phil's hands found her hips and pulled her up against him. Without breaking the kiss, Keely parted her lips to deepen it, and Phil gladly followed suit.

In the quiet music hall, a muffled giggle could be heard as Phil gathered Keely up in his arms and, still holding her close, lifted her about a foot off the floor and twirled her briefly. It had turned out to be a very good day for a certain 22nd-century man and the girl he had grown to love.


End file.
